School Day...

Well, in celebration of surviving my first full week back in school, I think it may be time for me to regale my readers with the tale of my first day back at school....

Whether it is or not, I'm going to. lol The majority of this was written on paper on my actual first day of school (1/15/09), while sitting in my truck between classes. So without further ado....



Okay, so today was my first day of school... I was aware of that. What I didn't know was that it was also the beginning of the next Ice Age! I first arose prepared to meet the day at 6:30... it was then I realized that it was -7 Million degrees outside. To help myself to cope with the situation, I hit the snooze button and hopped back in bed. I was reawaked nine minutes later to the sound of Alan Jackson offering me a ride in his truck or something like that... I'm not too sure, it's a little fuzzy now. Regardless though, I told him no thank you and turned the alarm off.
I then proceeded to get up and take a shower. This process went very well, until I ran out of hot water! What followed was an atrocity that my senses will never forget, nor forgive me for. After thawing my near-paralyzed limbs and brushing the flecks of ice from my hair, I got dressed.
On my way out of the door I grabbed a bagel and a Pepsi. I was headed out! Oh the joys of education! Oh the thrill of learning! However, in my haste I failed to notice that I took the wrong door. But this minor detail escaped my attention, and I must admit that, at first, I was fooled into thinking that it was still dark outside. But after searching for my truck for ten minutes by the light of a cell-phone and tripping over multiple brooms (multiple times mind you), I determined I had better go back inside... or back where I came from at least. I emerged from the frigid elements only to be greeted by my mother, who looked rather puzzled. By this time I had realized my error, so I said without hesitation, "I was just getting a broom for school..." and left it at that. I quickly turned to door number 2, which was in fact, the correct door.
Despite all of these setbacks, I was still so very excited about the joys of education! Oh the thrill of enlightenment! Such was my joy that I did not even flinch when I learned that my doors were frozen closed, a sheen of ice that was 2" thick covering and filling every crack. A little bit of Pepsi and a whole lot of leverage solved my problem within a few moments. And I was off!
Off to the races, I should say, seeing as how my ramblings and rumblings had caused me to be running slighty late. The Tennessee Tech campus is approximately 15 miles from my house. I reached it in approximately 8 minutes. As I wheeled into campus, my first class was beginning, but I had no fear. I knew of secret hiding places from my first semester! I quickly found one of these and sneakily parked my truck in it.
My first class was Biology 1020, a continuation of Biology 1010. Since it was the first day of class, most of the time in class was spent in reviewing the syllabus, which usually results in the classes being over very quickly. I crept in to hear the very scientific voice of Mr. Brown (no relation) telling all the students something about attendance and grade scales... I couldn't really listen, I was focused on creeping. I stealthily stole into vacant seat in the back. But no sooner had I begun to set myself down, whem I heard the Professor exclaim: "That will be all! I'll see you on Friday!" A stampede erupted as zippers were zipped, texts were texted, mutterings muttered, and students... ummm... gee, students... students started walking. No illiteration there I'm afraid. I quickly blended in with the crowd and left as stealthily as I went in.
Since I had a moment before my next class, I decided to look for a parking place closer to the next building I would be in. However, I soon discovered that I had been betrayed! A pretty piece of pink paper had been prostrated upon my windshield! And on it a note, convicting me of parking in a bad place. My secret parking place had been ratted out, and could no longer be considered safe. But it is a long standing tradition among Techies that we never pay our first parking ticket, so I crumpled it up and drove away.
My second class was British Literature. I found another, more secret parking place this time, and headed off to class. It was there that I met Professor Saga, a fine man, who spoke with conviction and feeling no matter what the topic. I shall never forget his first words to the class, so full of passion and emotion:
"My dear students! Thank you for coming to class! It grieves me to inform you that I have to cancel class because of a terrible case of food poisoning... my bowels grind like the evils of Grendal himself. If you would please... (pause, deep breathing)... please excuse me....I will see you... (more of the same).... Tomorrow...."
And with that he bolted out of the room! What passion! Just as I was beginning to get up, he gave the students even more reason for excitement! "MONDAY!!!" he screamed in a shrill voice from down the hall. "MAKE IT MONDAY!.... OH SHEEEEP!!!" A door slammed. What a man.
As I walked back to my truck, I noticed two new bits of pinkness on my windshield. These were also parking tickets. But similar to the first, it is a well known tradition among Techies that the second and third parking tickets are ignored as well. I drove away, leaving what looked like two pink snowballs lying on the ground.
My third class was to be a computer class. I felt as though I would have very little to worry about here, seeing as how my technological skills had gotten me accepted into a technological university! My teachers name was Dr. Ball, a nice lady with glasses and OCD.
"Now class, we will log in to our computer lab accounts and do a few short excercises."
The only trouble with this was that my computer seemed to be frozen, or on vacation, I'm not sure which. I raised my hand and mentioned to her that my computer seemed to be messed up.
"Oh, that's alright", she said. "Since all the other computers are full, I'll just get you the logorithms and algorithms and some paper, and you can log in manually today!"
After class, I managed to somehow bring my mind back out of self-destruct mode and walk away from the building. I'm not saying I would never attempt such a feat again, but I would first attept to seduce, maim, or murder Mrs. Ball, and use her computer instead.
Because of the long amount of time spent in my third class, I decided to walk straight to my fourth and final class of the day, American History. My teacher in this class was to be Mr. Dollar, a man that reminds many students of Bill O'Reilly. A very straightforward man, not afraid to ask any question. At one student he threw the question: "Why do you think your proffesors are stupid?"
To which the shriveled-up student responded: "I don't think they're stupid!"
To which Mr. Dollar concluded: "You're dead wrong!" This class was going to be interesting, I could already tell. After reviewing the syllabus and going through some debate drills, we were dismissed.
My first day of classes had been a success! Oh the joy of education! As I walked back to my truck, there was a spring in my step and a smile on my face. College was going to be grand, I was so excited to be back for the second semester!
But where was my truck??? All I could see was a group of policemen and... and... was that a TOW-TRUCK?!?!?!

Well, that's about as far as I'm gonna go for now. I suppose I could tell you how I talked my way out of getting my truck towed... well, okay, so I actually didn't talk my way out of it, I just paid the tickets.
I'm not sure where alot of this came from. The true parts are that it was cold, and ummm... well, I'm not too sure about the rest, that's probably just about it. Anyways, hope you got a little enjoyment out of it, assuming you read the whole thing. I will try to keep everyone posted with updates throughout the semester.

P.S.-The post title comes from the Chuck Berry song.